We’re Just Friends

“We’re just friends.” That was both mine and my husband’s response when asked if we were dating.  I don’t think that either of us was ready to admit that we were enjoying each other’s company (at least not enough to say we were “dating”).

Let’s go back a few years to high school.  Yes, I said a few.  I’m not ancient.

It was my last year in school, and in walks this new guy who appeared to think he was all that and a bag of chips.  I immediately put up my guard and decided right then and there that I would have nothing at all to do with him.  He, on the other hand, decided that I was bossy and thought that I knew it all.  Needless to say, we did not like each other.  However, within a couple of years, he received the Holy Ghost, and things began to change.  We eventually found a common interest and started talking as “friends”. 

The friendship obviously developed into something more, but even today we are the best of friends.

Our friendship didn’t stop the day we got married.  It didn’t stop after we went through hard times.  It hasn’t stopped after having children.  We do not ever plan to lose that connection with one another.

“How?” you may ask.

WORK.  That one single word means so much in a marriage or in any relationship.  It is something that is required of both parties involved.

So how do we work on our relationships? 

There are several ways you can work on your relationship, but at this point we are only going to focus on one area. 

Communication.

How well do you communicate with your spouse?  I’m not talking about coming home and telling them all about your day or what your kids have done.  I am talking about a real conversation about how you both are feeling. Do you share the intimate details that you are keeping to yourself and want no one to know? The issues that you each are having with one another.  I am talking about healthy communication, one that will improve your relationship with your spouse.

I can hear many of you already saying, “I know how to communicate with my spouse.  We don’t have any issues.  We are happy just the way we are.”

Are you really?  What if you could learn to communicate deeper than you ever have before and live a happier life? The goal is to learn to communicate below the surface.

Let me give you an example.

My husband and I have had an ongoing issue with our car key.  Yes, I meant that in the singular.  A few years ago, at my request, he hung up a rack for our keys right behind the front door.  The goal was to help me get into the habit of hanging up my keys as I walked in, so I would never be at a loss as to where they were.  I’m telling you; I had/have a terrible habit of laying things down and forgetting where I put them.

This single thing led to so many issues.  Since we only have one car key and the car has a push button to start, I would drop it in my purse and forget about it.  When I would come home, I would unload the car, get the kids to help, give one of them my keys to unlock the door, and proceed inside with no thought of the car key that was tucked away in my purse.

The next day, my husband would go to the rack to look for the key as he was leaving and get very frustrated when it wasn’t where it should be.  He would constantly remark that it wouldn’t be such an issue IF he hadn’t hung a rack specifically for the keys to hang.

I can hear you all now.  Why don’t I just hang up the key?  Well, it wasn’t intentional.  As I said before, I’m not trying to make excuses; my hands were full, and my focus was on getting everything and everyone from the car.  If you are a mother, then I’m sure you understand where I am coming from.

Now comes the time for us to learn how to communicate this issue with each other without an argument ensuing.

One day we stopped and set everything aside to talk.  We both took turns discussing our sides.

For instance, he would say, “I get very frustrated every time I go to look for the key and it isn’t where it should be.  It would make me feel better if you would make an effort to take the key directly to the rack as soon as you come in.”

Instead of getting angry, I thought about his feelings and expressed what I heard from him.  In this instance, I heard that if I would try to hang the key up as soon as I came in, then in the moments when he was in a hurry, he did not have to come and find me to be able to find the key.  He wouldn’t have to feel so frustrated.

MY TURN!

I expressed that if we could get another key, then I would feel less pressure to hang the key up right away.  It would help if he would help me unload the car and get the kids inside as well. 

His response was to get online and order a key right away.

Plus, he now makes more of an effort to make sure I have the help I need when I get home.  That simple moment of using communication to work through our issue kept us from getting angry later.  We took time out to talk about the issue.  Just this simple step took pressure off both of us and caused us to see what areas we could each work on.

We aren’t perfect.  We are still working on it. However, just taking the time to communicate makes our relationship so much more special.  We don’t worry about each other getting upset over what we need to say.  We know that each will listen and try to work through whatever the issue may be.

I challenge you this week, if you are married, to get with your spouse and communicate one issue you both may be having.  Put everything aside and look at each other while you speak.  Take turns sharing your feelings and listening.

If you are looking to enrich your marriage, my husband offers a course through Prepare and Enrich.  This program is designed to help you “Enrich” your marriage.  Isn’t your relationship worth taking the time to nourish and grow? Comment below or contact me through Facebook or Instagram, and I will give him your message to get in touch. Until next time….

Let’s give our spouse the best of us!

PS: Better pray for me. The new car we bought only has one key.  I’m sure he will be buying another one soon.