Lord, My Lemonade Has Gone Sour

Yep, you read that title right. “Lord, My Lemonade Has Gone Sour” is the correct title for this post. There is a story behind all of it, and I had the pleasure of sharing it with the ladies in my home at our teatime fellowship.

Let’s begin with the fellowship in general. Remember when I posted, “You’ve Got a Friend in Me”?  Well, prior to beginning this blog, the Lord had been dealing with me about encouraging other ladies in their everyday lives and encouraging other ministers’ and pastor’s wives. My goal for this blog is to speak life to those who are going through difficult times. 

I think many times we keep things bottled up inside because we are afraid of someone repeating the things we have said or making light of our situation. We have all been hurt. Being hurt seems to come with the territory of being human. Yet to speak of our hurt out loud means that we must allow someone into our safe space. THAT alone can cause anxiety for many. It means that we are opening ourselves to the possibility of being hurt. 

I had a mom tell me that her daughter had recently experienced hurt from a close friend. It is something that every one of us goes through as we grow up. That first time a friend betrays our trust. It hurts so bad. She said that when her daughter brought it up, she realized this wasn’t just a once-in-a-lifetime thing that would happen to her. She wanted her daughter to understand this important fact:

“Choosing your friends isn’t just a childhood thing. It’s a life lesson that keeps on happening.” 

Isn’t that the truth?!

So at our fellowship, I was at a loss as to what I was going to do a Bible study on. I had been dwelling on it for the last couple of weeks. However, nothing would ever come to me. As I continued to prepare for the day, I stopped for a little while, grabbed my Bible and a book, and asked the Lord to speak to me.  

Nothing but silence. 

I kind of blamed myself. This week has been so busy, and these last two days getting ready for the Bible study have been a little crazy. I had told my husband prior to bed the night before that I was going to get up, have breakfast and pray, then do a few things to prep my food, and then stop and pray to study for that day. I got up. I did not have breakfast. I prepped my food. AND I found so many more things that needed to be taken care of. I realized I hadn’t stopped to pray. I had allowed “things” to take the place of prayer. That’s why I felt as if I deserved what I had gotten from God. I figured since I didn’t put in the time, He had no reason to answer me. 

However, while standing in the kitchen, the song “I Surrender All” came on, and I felt the presence of the Lord in the room with me. I had such a peace about the day. What I had thought God might want from me was something completely different. 

We get so complacent in our relationship with God. It seems so easy. We think that what we are doing is just enough. Yet, there should be something inside of us that never stops desiring God’s presence in our lives. 

From here, God took over the rest of the evening. We laughed, cried, and laughed some more. We came together in unity, listening to each other share their fears, desires, and expectations.  The very thing that God had given me a burden for was coming to life right before my eyes. 

Yet, this required me to be vulnerable. That’s scary for a pastor’s wife. We aren’t supposed to allow others to see our faults and failures, are we? 

I disagree! 

I think it is good for others to see that you are just as human as they are. Your position doesn’t mean that you are a superhero. It would be great if that were true, but it isn’t. 

That’s why I shared my struggles from the day before with them. I’ve been battling for quite some time. It seems like every time I turn around, something else is always happening the opposite of what I want it to. I’ve made light of it. I’ve laughed at my circumstances publicly, but I’ve cried privately. I’m human after all. 

The day prior, I had my day completely planned out. My husband was to hang up my mantle (a large beam from my grandfather’s old barn), my daughter was to clean her room and bathroom, my son was to clean his room, and I was to clean the rest of the house and decorate for fall. All was supposed to go as planned and be easy-peasy.

Once again, God had other plans. 

Let me say we have had the support for the beams for over 6 months now, and my husband is just getting around to getting it up. School has taken a lot of his free time, and therefore I have tried to be understanding. So, when he starts putting it up and it isn’t as strong as he thinks it should be, all he said was, “This isn’t going to work.” I just stared at him. Not a word came out of my mouth. I simply just stared. 

I waited as he tried again. Then he kept repeating, “This isn’t going to work”. The more he said it, the more frustrated I became. I felt my emotions rising and knew that those dumb hormones were getting in the way. That, coupled with feeling the pressure of making sure my house looked its best for the tea and all of the things I had been battling recently, was starting to make me feel stressed.

I just told him to take it outside and do something with it. I would just figure something else out. I didn’t know what, but I would make it work. I was calm, but I’m sure he could tell I was tearing up. I was doing my best to be the opposite of what I would usually be. I left the room and went to the laundry room to unload clothes.  

I just started crying, and I prayed, “Lord, my lemonade has gone sour.” 

Many of you probably think I’m crazy to be so upset over a goofy mantle. I most likely am. What you need to understand is that I struggle severely with hormonal issues. There are times when they get out of whack and I cry or get upset at the drop of a hat. Imagine being in menopause on a daily basis. That’s my life.  

I don’t tell you this to get pity. I tell you this so you can see that I am just as human as you are. 

There comes a time in your life when you get tired of being in the wilderness. That is where I have been. A quote I read recently on a Bible plan titled “Get Me Out of the Wilderness”, had me in tears as soon as I read it. 

The adversity of the wilderness often keeps us from fulfilling our needs because we’re simply trying to survive. 

I’ve been there. And you know what? It isn’t fun doing it on your own. Surrounding yourself with those who love and care for you is important. Being able to open up, even with the possibility of being hurt, can help you get through whatever it is you are currently going through. 

Now the phrase “choose your friends wisely” shouldn’t be ignored. You should be careful when choosing those you place your trust in. However, I do believe that if we allow it, God can connect you with someone you can completely trust.  

My goal for this tea was to bring our ladies together in unity. It was meant to encourage our ladies in their everyday lives and to let them know there is a safe place they can go to express their feelings. I think we accomplished that.  

Let me share with you a little wisdom my daughter gave me after I apologized for my reaction to the mantle. I told her that I was tired of making lemonade and that it was starting to taste sour. She simply said,  

“Mom, when you get lemons, you simply squeeze them and make them do what you want them to. You can even throw them at people.” 

She meant it sarcastically, but I took it as a little bit of wisdom. So that’s what I’m going to do-not throw them at people, even though I might like to from time to time. I’m simply going to squeeze them and make them into something different. How about you?

Why art thou cast down, O my soul?  And why art thou disquieted within me?  Hope thou in God; For I shall yet praise Him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God.  Psalm 42:11 KJV

This verse hit me hard when my husband preached today, Sunday. The title of his message was “The Posture of the Victorious”. He hasn’t read a single part of this post. To say that God was speaking to me today was very evident. So not only will I change what I am making from the lemons that I am handed, but I am also going to straighten up my posture and look to where my help comes from!

Thou has turned for me my mourning into dancing: Thou hast put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness; To the end that my glory may sing praises to thee, and not be silent.  O LORD my God, I will give thanks unto thee for ever.  Psalm 30:11-12 KJV

**By the way, God heard this frustrated woman’s prayer, and my husband worked his magic and was able to securely get my mantle up before the tea.

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