I’m Drawing A Line

“You see this line right here?” said emphatically as we drew a line in the dirt with a stick.  “You better not cross it!”  

Did you ever do that as a kid, as a teen, or even now as an adult?  I have.  As a kid, many of the times it was in fun.  No ill intent was involved.  We were simply having fun.  That line might have also been drawn as we were playing tug-of-war (I loved that game).  As a teen, I would say it as I drew an imaginary line.   The purpose might have been to make someone understand that this is as far as I wanted them to go.  However, as an adult, drawing that line, even using my imagination, has been a lot more difficult. 

My childhood self had a lot less to worry about.  All I cared about was having fun with my friends.  I was a lot more innocent in those days.  My parents took care of everything.  I didn’t have to worry about where my next meal was coming from, nor did I worry about what others thought of me.  I was in the developmental stages of my life.  I was currently being molded into what my parents would hope to be a compassionate, caring, and responsible adult. 

The point was that I didn’t care what anyone thought of me as a child, EXCEPT my mom and dad.  Life was simple.  I could draw the line and dare anyone to cross it.  

However, as I started to develop and get closer to being a teenager, things began to change.  I started thinking about what others thought about me.  I could still draw the line, but I had to really think about the consequences of doing so.  Would they still be my friends?  Would they think less of me?   

I can specifically remember being in the 4th grade and life beginning to change.  My body was already starting to develop, and my so-called friends were starting to become more judgmental.  It was one of those times where I wanted to measure up to my friends’ expectations.  That very year, I realized who my real friends were.  They were the supposed “outcasts.” They had been labeled due to their looks and dress.  Yet, their attitudes were better than those who were judging them.   

Once I made it to high school, something inside of me drastically changed.  In part, due to a friendship I developed with someone older than me.  We became the best of friends (we still are to this day), and even though I grew up in a pastor’s home, she helped instill in me the value of prayer and letting God be the deciding factor of what true worth is.  She was a new convert at the time, yet we grew together spiritually.   

I began distancing myself from those in our school with less than honorable character traits.  I was still friends with all of them, but I knew I was going to have to be different (2 Corinthians 6:17).  I couldn’t conform to this world (Romans 12:2).  It was hard.  However, knowing I had someone in my corner helping me to pray made all the difference in the world. 

I wasn’t the perfect teen.  I made mistakes on more than one occasion.  Some I prefer to NEVER revisit, and I am so grateful that things are under the blood.  However, one day it registered that I was making a difference to my classmates.  I was sitting on the bleachers, and a young lady came up to me and began to confide in me about some things.  She was really struggling.  I listened intently, gave what little advice I could (I was a teenager after all), and then she left.  I didn’t speak to her again until several weeks later, when she came up to me and said, “You didn’t tell anyone.”  I just stared at her.  I was trying hard to figure out what she meant.  She again said, “You didn’t tell anyone what we talked about.”  I was so confused.  Finally, I asked why she thought I would say anything.  I knew what she told me was in confidence.  She then proceeded to tell me that she had heard I was a goody two-shoes, and she wanted to test the theory.  She didn’t believe that anyone would keep what they were told in confidence a secret.  

How sad is that?! 

That’s the moment I realized that my efforts, even if I felt secluded, were paying off.  Drawing an imaginary line in the sand didn’t have to mean I was to be an outcast. 

Now, as I stated above, it’s so much harder to do this as an adult.  I thought doing it as a teenager was terrible pressure.  Yet, for some reason, people judge you so much more as an adult and NEVER let it go.  They tend to take it personal when you decide to set a boundary and then act as if you have committed some type of crime. 

What confuses me most is that we are supposed to be more mature as adults, yet, for some reason, we are more childlike and get irritated when someone sets a boundary with us.  We don’t do what we should as adults and stop to consider why the individual is setting the boundary in the first place.  We instantly get angry and spout off our reasons for being the way we are. 

It’s in these moments that I wonder if we are living the life of Benjamin Button! 

Boundaries are a normal part of our lives.  We should have them in place to safeguard ourselves and our families.  If we didn’t, we would quickly become frustrated, depressed, and burned out. 

Something I recently read in a book called “Good Boundaries and Goodbyes” by Lysa Terkeurst, really hit home.  She said, 

“When we allow someone else access to us emotionally, physically, financially, mentally, spiritually, etc…we need to require them to be responsible with that access.  If I give someone level 10 access but they are only willing or capable of level 3 responsibility…relational tension will exist.  Trust will erode.  And frustration will be ever increasing.  People who are irresponsible with our hearts should not be granted great access to our hearts.” 

And therein lies the problem!   

We want to love and have compassion for everyone.  Isn’t that what we are Biblically commanded to do? 

“A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another” John 13:34, KJV 

Yet, here is the caveat: what exactly is LOVE? 

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude.  It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.  Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” I Corinthians 13:4-7, ESV 

It goes both ways! 

TRUE LOVE will be exactly what this Scripture states.  Therefore, it makes sense to not worry when you go to draw the line.  If the individual’s actions are the opposite of what God has said is love, then you should have peace in knowing that the line you are drawing is meant for the betterment of your life, peace of mind, and health. 

Drawing that line in the sand doesn’t have to give you anxiety.  I know for me, I struggle with it.  For some reason, when I have set up a boundary with someone, especially someone close to me, my stomach gets all upset, and I just dread the moment I have to talk to them. 

However, when I take it to God, I know I have to trust Him with the outcome, no matter how it turns out.  This is not to say that every line you draw will be accepted and turn out well.  Sometimes, people just have their hearts so hardened that they cannot see the truth of their actions. 

One other thing I want to point out is that when you go to draw a line, always make sure to take it to the Lord in prayer first.  Make sure your heart is right and that you aren’t the issue.  Be humble. 

Sometimes we make the mistake of seeing others as the problem, and maybe they are, but we can’t see the “forest through the trees” and realize that we have some issues as well.  Checking ourselves first should be a priority. 

And last, but certainly not least, when you draw that line…use a permanent marker. 

No matter how guilty the other person tries to make you feel, stick to your side of the line.  Don’t allow them the option to erase it and bring it closer.   

Having boundaries IS Biblical.  Proverbs 4:23–27 says, 

“Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.  Put away from you crooked speech, and put devious talk far from you.  Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you.  Ponder the path of your feet; then all your ways will be sure.  Do not swerve to the right or to the left; turn your foot away from evil.” 

What better Scripture to use than one from Proverbs, the book of “WISDOM”?

“Love should be what draws us together not what tears us apart.”  

Good Boundaries and Goodbyes, Lysa Terkeurst